The dreadful disease is just picking pace in impacting every household one way or the other. It affects their kith and kin or neighbours. Nevertheless impact is everlasting. For the fact that it affects your loved one. While the increasing frustration that with such advancements in the field of science and technology is the common link connecting such affected individuals, what differentiates is the mental strength to accept the vacuum that could be created. What made me write this post is one such loss for me and my family. The frustration I carry is not towards technology. It is towards human element that carries the advancements. The mental strength or absence of it is not only to do with the age of the dear one we lost, but the manner in which the end was drafted.
It was all well in August 2010, when Balu anna treated his mom's retirement with his own hand at the kitchen, cooking for nearly 50 odd people. His delicious Naan, Panner Butter Masala, Vegetable fried rice was lip smacking that we suggested opening a restaurant to keep his retired mom busy. Yes it was last day of August 2010. He complained of headache in the months of September and October, but it was shrugged off considering the weather in Bangalore and the strain he takes to complete his long cherished dream of becoming an aeronautical engineering. By the way he was working for Software MNC in Bangalore after completing his MCA before which he had done his B.Com. It would be difficult to understand why a person wanting to become an aerospace engineer would do his B.Com. Thats what happens with every Indian Child. Their dreams are considered dreams and parent's dreams or affordability decides what should have been their dreams. Due to such anomalies, he took commerce route, before ultimately taking up software. This threw window of opportunity where he sensed he could do AMITE and then do AESI. He was happy eventually having done MCA, though initially he was not comfortable with taking up the course.
He had hurried past the months of September and October with the headache. In the month of November, he reached a point, where he was reeling in pain and in fact boiled out that he feared death because of this headache. He had started off from Bangalore immediately to reach home in Chennai. Little did he know that was his last stay at Bangalore. For a headache, local doctor was consulted and he diagnosed typhoid. Since the headache never let off, the doctor was changed. Even after that, the headache didn't recede, an eye specialist was consulted. He suggested to consult a neuro, who initially thought it was TB, but various stages of diagnosis led to the conclusion of Cancer of December 31, 2010. Things could drastically change in a 4 month period. But what was even more worse was that, the diagnosis was at Stage IV, which is the advanced stage of diagnosing the disease and there is little hope of survival for long term.
Here are my first set of frustrations on the humans behind the system. First the local doctor who insisted its just typhoid. Why on earth did he not doubt anything serious in spite of weeks of treatment? What made him conclude it as typhoid? What arrogance made him snub the patient's fear of something else? How come some other doctor immediately said to consult an eye specialist and later a neuro? Was he ignorant of diseases around the modern world? Second the time neuro was consulted and the biopsy was done, it was close to 20 days. Why cant the procedures be done fast to lead to diagnosis early? With all the sufficient delays, finally why you blame the patient saying you are too late to cure.
What followed that new year was terrible set of realisations. Realisations about the value of life, quality of medical care in the country and personally for me, realisation about an individual whom I considered as a well wisher. The treatment finalisation took half a month after diagnosis. The learned doctors thought the life could be up to a maximum of 6 months with the treatment. The internet was filled with telling analysis of the disease and its survival rates. Yet, I would, as positively as always, believe that Balu anna is going to be with me for a longer period of time. After the first round of chemo, he was with us in Tirunelveli attending my cousin's wedding. I could spend good amount of time in the initial stages of diagnosis with him. Later, the time spent with him dwindled with me taking up an employment.
With regular treatment visits for chemo and radiation, life was a routine. His sufferings have become routine. Prayers and hopes were routine. The time spent with him also became a routine. In spite of all these routines, life was like an ECG, emotions running up and down in a rhythmic pattern.
The whole story around cancer startled me. The trauma of kith and kin of patients diagnosed with cancer frightened me. The response of few doctors and hospital management angered me. The helplessness and the frustration of the patients themselves saddened me.
Why would someone like me, with little emotions around, be impacted?? Balu Anna was one of the important person in my life. He was one of the early mentors of my life. He was someone whom I looked up to. He was a role model. He is one of the reasons why I'm a chartered accountant. That's sufficient. He was always there as an elder brother. He was there to guide. He was there to argue. He was there to fight. He was there to fall upon. He was there to understand. Most of all, he is a good natured human being. He is faithful to God. He looks divine, may be that's the reason why God wanted him back with him so soon. Though, I don't remember how I have given him back for all that I got from him.
The last few days of his were dreadful. He was struggling with pain. Every part of body would be betraying him with pain. All those cells that flourished with his nutrients have started eating his nerves. Every nerve would have such unbearable pain. I was not able to see him struggle in pain. He was admitted to hospital and the gradual decline in his breathing resulted in sudden pause of his breath. He was declared dead. A vacuum is left in my life. He will be terribly missed. I would have been a better person if he was here with me. He definitely would have been happier on seeing me grow. I have loads and loads of memories about him. And I would like to carry all those with me for my life.
With regular treatment visits for chemo and radiation, life was a routine. His sufferings have become routine. Prayers and hopes were routine. The time spent with him also became a routine. In spite of all these routines, life was like an ECG, emotions running up and down in a rhythmic pattern.
The whole story around cancer startled me. The trauma of kith and kin of patients diagnosed with cancer frightened me. The response of few doctors and hospital management angered me. The helplessness and the frustration of the patients themselves saddened me.
Why would someone like me, with little emotions around, be impacted?? Balu Anna was one of the important person in my life. He was one of the early mentors of my life. He was someone whom I looked up to. He was a role model. He is one of the reasons why I'm a chartered accountant. That's sufficient. He was always there as an elder brother. He was there to guide. He was there to argue. He was there to fight. He was there to fall upon. He was there to understand. Most of all, he is a good natured human being. He is faithful to God. He looks divine, may be that's the reason why God wanted him back with him so soon. Though, I don't remember how I have given him back for all that I got from him.
The last few days of his were dreadful. He was struggling with pain. Every part of body would be betraying him with pain. All those cells that flourished with his nutrients have started eating his nerves. Every nerve would have such unbearable pain. I was not able to see him struggle in pain. He was admitted to hospital and the gradual decline in his breathing resulted in sudden pause of his breath. He was declared dead. A vacuum is left in my life. He will be terribly missed. I would have been a better person if he was here with me. He definitely would have been happier on seeing me grow. I have loads and loads of memories about him. And I would like to carry all those with me for my life.
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