Though when you ask my friends whether I'm possessive, the answer would be NO within a flash. Or even until months back, if you had asked me, the answer would have been no. But, quite recently, I realised the fact that I'm actually possessive of my friends. Also more importantly, quite recently, I have learned to live without them. It is a heartbreak when you see your friend going away from you. I don't mind going away after a fight. I know I can make mends anytime. But off late I'm losing friends as they are getting married. While I'm happy that they are entering a different phase of a life, I'm equally sad that someone else is going to be more important for them or I could not have the influence I had in him/her as before.
I was trying to cope with the fact that one of my closest friend got married in November last year. I felt as if loosing someone. I still know she is not moving anywhere out of the city. She is married to a very nice gentleman whom I respect a lot. She will be there if I needed her. But there was some hollowness. I forced myself out of her, so that I get used to it. Frankly I was not matured enough to handle the loss. I thought my friendship is done and dusted because of her marriage.
Before even getting to digest this fact, one other close friend told about his marriage. While I know he was already in a relationship, I know there is a person already in his life, I still could not come over the fact that he will not be the same to me. I tried to pick up all sorts of silly things to quarrel with him. Again I felt a gap. It was the period between his engagement and wedding, I have sort of matured (though not fully). I realised that friends are still friends but with some restrictions. Hes/she has not/will not move away completely. And I should always bear in mind that such restrictions are natural and alter my expectations accordingly. Once this alteration in my emotional state was made, I was more happy to loose a friend.
Now, fortunately, as I think I'm matured enough, there is one more close friend of mine who is getting married this week. I'm not feeling any loss. I feel all my friends are there. I understand that life has to move on. I'm not a child any more. With many little friends I have picked up, I will have to be future ready to face such loss. But hey man, I'm still damn possessive about all my friends.
I was trying to cope with the fact that one of my closest friend got married in November last year. I felt as if loosing someone. I still know she is not moving anywhere out of the city. She is married to a very nice gentleman whom I respect a lot. She will be there if I needed her. But there was some hollowness. I forced myself out of her, so that I get used to it. Frankly I was not matured enough to handle the loss. I thought my friendship is done and dusted because of her marriage.
Before even getting to digest this fact, one other close friend told about his marriage. While I know he was already in a relationship, I know there is a person already in his life, I still could not come over the fact that he will not be the same to me. I tried to pick up all sorts of silly things to quarrel with him. Again I felt a gap. It was the period between his engagement and wedding, I have sort of matured (though not fully). I realised that friends are still friends but with some restrictions. Hes/she has not/will not move away completely. And I should always bear in mind that such restrictions are natural and alter my expectations accordingly. Once this alteration in my emotional state was made, I was more happy to loose a friend.
Now, fortunately, as I think I'm matured enough, there is one more close friend of mine who is getting married this week. I'm not feeling any loss. I feel all my friends are there. I understand that life has to move on. I'm not a child any more. With many little friends I have picked up, I will have to be future ready to face such loss. But hey man, I'm still damn possessive about all my friends.
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